If It's A Girl? Jennifer, Of Course.

My brother from another mother closest work friend Wilson just told me this week that his wife is expecting their second child. I reacted in the typical girl fashion; that is to say I squealed, clapped my hands, jumped up and down, and tackle/hugged him until he said, "Okay, okay, shh."

I tend to get excited at good news. Ask my BFF J, who gave me the same news as Wilson did earlier this week and I almost dropped the phone. (Yep, I'm going to be 'Aunt Jenn' again, I'm so thrilled for J & E. I'm also not drinking the water, because. Dude. So many babies!)

Anyway. With impending baby news comes impending 'What are we going to name the baby' speculation, and Wilson wasted no time combing websites looking for names for his (possibly) baby boy. I rallied for Lucius. As in Malfoy. Wilson's wife J shot it down hard. Sad Panda.

They're looking for a name that goes with their chosen middle name (a family name), Justice, which just made this the most awesome game ever. I've taken to inter-office emailing him when inspiration strikes. Here are just a few of my favorites.

To:Wilson
From: JC
Subj: I've Got It.

Knight.


Knight Ryder Wilson.


You're welcome.


To:JC
From:Wilson
Subj:Re:I've Got It.

No.

Damn.

To:Wilson
From:JC
Subj:YES.

Stark.


Stark Justice Wilson.


Dude. You are FUCKING WELCOME.


To:JC
From:Wilson
Subj:Re:YES

No.


Sonofa...


To:Wilson
From:JC
Subj:Seriously.


Steel.


Steel Justice Wilson.


AM BABY-NAMING GENIUS. NEED TO WRITE BOOK ON NAMING BABIES.



Didn't get a reply to this one, actually.

Big mistake, Wilson. Huge.

Now I start to get desperate.

To:Wilson
From:JC
(No subject)

Tracker.


Trapper?


TRIPPER. AS IN JACK.


You know, Three's Company?


COME ON.



*Crickets*

The hell? THIS IS BABY-NAMING GOLD. YOU ARE MISSING OUT, MR. WILSON.


The Hail Mary:

To:Wilson
From:JC
(no Subject)

Plaxico?


T. Rex?


SPIDERMAN


Nothing.

I'm entirely underappreciated.


Wilson told me later that so far he and J are liking the name Logan.

"Like Wolverine, snikt snikt?" I said, hopefully, making Wolverine hands (like jazz hands! Only with pantomiming Adamantium claws!)

"As in Wolverine, snikt snikt."

"I suppose that's fine."


SQUEE!

The Lone Vegetable

My family is having Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt and uncle's house this year. I messaged my aunt on facebook and asked what I could bring besides my usual pecan pie. I offered a vegetable, because they're usually lacking on our Thanksgiving table. She politely declined, saying that "we're all set" with dinner and to just bring the pie.

Then I emailed Mama San and asked if she and my aunt had finalized the menu, and again, wondering if I could bring anything else. "Oh, yeah, we've got it all set." She wrote. "Turkey (of course), cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes, candied sweet potatoes, and my swiss vegetable medley." Hmmm. Meat, starch, starch, starch, and a veggie dish swimming in cream of celery soup, sour cream, and swiss cheese.

I am so bringing a vegetable.

This one takes literally ten minutes to make, perfect to throw together while your turkey is resting on the counter.

Haricot Verts (baby green beans) with Caramelized Shallots

1 lb. green beans (I could only find regular beans at the store, but the baby ones are much more tender and cook faster)
1 medium shallot, diced fine
2 TB butter
salt
pepper

Boil water in a shallow stainless steel pan. Cook green beans for 3-5 minutes, until tender with a slight crunch. Transfer beans to a bowl of ice water. This shocks them, to stop from over cooking and to help the beans keep their color. Dry the pan and return to medium heat. Add butter and diced shallot. Cook shallots until browned. Drain beans, return to pan, and heat through. Salt and pepper to taste.

Your family with thank you. And, by extension, me. So, you know. You're welcome.

Jimmy Walker Used to Say Dynomite (That's right!)

Ah, Adam Sandler. How the mighty have fallen.

In celebration of Fat Girl Day Thanksgiving next week I'm sharing some of my favorite Turkey Day recipes. First up is my favorite Thanksgiving side dish, the classic Pennsylvania Dutch filling. We call it 'filling' in northeast PA, but you might know it as stuffing or dressing. My mom usually doubles (or triples, for eff's sake) this recipe because she has an instinctive need to cook for an army.

Gram's Chicken Filling
1 bag potato bread cubes
4 stalks celery
1 medium onion
3 TB fresh parsley
1 stick of butter (just roll with it, darlings, it's Thanksgiving)
2-3 cups chicken stock
salt
pepper

Spread the bread cubes out on a sheet pan and toast in the oven at 350 degrees until cubes are browned and crusty.

Dice celery and onions, chop parsley fine. (I toss them all in a food processor and make quick work of them.) Saute the vegetables with 4 TB of butter until slightly browned. Melt the remaining 4Tb of butter with the vegetables and toss in a large bowl with the bread cubes. Add the chicken stock until the bread is moistened but not super wet. Mix well, pour into a baking dish, and bake at 375 about 45 minutes, or until browned and slightly crusty on top. Serve with or without gravy.

Stove Top, schmove top.

The Long-Awaited And Highly Anticipated Final Kitchen Renovation Post, Six Months Later.

Alternate Title: How to Remodel a Kitchen for under Three Grand.

Or: Next Year, I'm Using My Tax Return For A Friggin' Vacation.

Step One:
Do the majority of the work yourself, or find someone in your family that will do the work for cheap. And by cheap I mean: will work for lunch, beer, and a nice dinner out when all is said and done.
Enter Big Poppa.

Honestly and truly, if it weren't for my father, this project would have never gotten done, because I simply did not have the budget to hire a contractor or handyman.
My daddy is awesome. I love him dearly. I owe him a steak. And possibly some King Crab legs.

Step Two:
Realize that you will not be able to do everything. My main goal with the renovation was to install a new floor, and maybe get a fridge. I told Big Poppa going into the project if anything else was to be done, I would want to do it right; remove the wallpaper, install new countertops, paint the cabinets, replace fixtures, new sink...I knew I would never be able to afford brand new cabinets, and I was okay with that. I think they came out pretty nice anyway. I ended up not getting the new fridge yet, deciding instead to focus on the big picture since the fridge is still in working condition. I'm going to do some bargain hunting after Christmas, maybe then.

I got extremely lucky with the new countertops, which brings me to...

Step Three:
DO NOT be afraid to bargain hunt. Do your homework when you're shopping for materials. Do the leg work. Look online for coupons, check craigslist, poll your coworkers, comparison shop. If I hadn't done that, I would have never found the remnant sale at the stone yard, and therefore would never have gotten my gorgeous countertops.

Sigh. So pretty....

One good tip: Look on eBay for coupons for Lowe's and/or Home Depot. They can usually be bought for about two dollars each, and can save you a buttload of money.

Step Four:
Be prepared for mistakes. For foul-ups. For cussing, for fighting, and for whining. Oh, good lord, the whining.

Mostly on my part. (Yes, that is a Hello Kitty toaster. Don't judge me.)

Step Five:
Be patient. Don't expect the project to get done over night. We started the renovation back in early May, and just finished last weekend. Six months, start to finish.

Not that we were working every weekend for six months straight, obviously. Just be aware, life gets in the way. I didn't want my dad's summer to be taken away from him. I made sure he wasn't pressured to get the floor finished. I understood he had things at his house he wanted to get done as well. Something to think about when relying on friends/family to help or to do the work for you.

Frustrating? You bet your ass. There were weeks when I just wanted to finish the work myself. When I wanted to throw my hands up in defeat and say, "Screw it, I'll just live with the crappy linoleum."

But I was patient. And I waited. And finally, three weeks ago, we began the final stages of this project, this renovation. This labor of love.

Because I loved this project, no matter how frustrating it got.

I love my dad. For taking on this project, for dealing with my incessant whining, and for helping me realize my 'vision' for my kitchen (why, hello, melodrama. Welcome to my blog.).

And I really love my kitchen.

Not Listed: Laundry.

Things I Did Today, A Numbered List:

1. Slept until 8:30 am
   
2. Watched an inordinate amount of HGTV
   
3. Ate two containers of Yakisoba ramen
4. Lay on the couch
5. Napped twice
   
6. Talked to mom on the phone
7. Checked facebook
8. Watched Shakespeare in Love for the 15th time
   
9. Watched The Amazing Race
10. Listed what I did today numerically

Things I Did Not Do Today, Also Numbered and List-ified:

1. Clean the kitchen
2. Vacuum
   
3. Learn to salsa
4. Scrub the toilet
5. Get a tattoo
6. Bake a cake
7. Make the bed
   
8. Cut the dog's toenails
9. Mow the lawn
10. Declare war on New Zeland.
    

There's much to be said for being a couch potato. Next time, New Zeland.

Drunken Quotes (And Tweets and Facebook Statuses) From Last Night

Before Dinner, 5 PM

Me via FB: Dinner tonight at the Melting Pot, tomorrow at Cactus Blue. Saving money, I'm doing it wrong.

Cheryl via FB: Dinner at the melting pot :)

7PM

Me via Twitter: No tables at the Melting pot until 9 w/out a res. Bar service it is, I want fondue.

7:45 PM

Me, to Cheryl: mmmm, this wine is good.

Me via Twitter: Mmmmm, Gerwurztraminer.

8:00 PM

Cheryl, to me: That was good, but I'm still hungry. And those martinis look fantastic.

Me: NO MORE DRINKS. We'll stop at McDonald's or something, get you something to sober up.

Cheryl: OOOH, FRENCH FRIES!

Me: Yes, we'll get you some french fries.

Cheryl: I want some onion rings. Like the beer battered kind. Not those breaded shits I can buy in the store. Seriously, fuck those kind.

Me via FB: BTW, Cheryl on two glasses of White Zin? Hilarioussss. (Also seen here.)

Me: I don't feel like going home yet, it's early.

Cheryl: Me, either.

Me: OOH! We should go to the Sands!

Cheryl: OKAY!

8:30. PM

Upon leaving the restaurant, we pass a small cafe that has closed for the evening with their menu posted on the window.

Cheryl: QUESADILLAS!

Me, via Twitter: Heading to The Sands with drunk bitch in tow.

And it all goes downhill from there. There was gambling, boobs, creepers, fantastic Irish coffee, and humping of dessert products. And because of facebook and Twitter, it's all been recorded for internet posterity.

Thanks, social media.

Blerg.

Minimum Blog Reqirement, Day 2. Sue me.

Not much to report except my Phillies are, I'm sorry to say, not repeat World Series Champions. (And I will be the first to say I had serious doubts that they would be, so keep the snarky "Philadelphia fans suck" comments to yourself, TYVM.) Jayson Werth, if you need consoling, you know who to call.

Also, I fail at Cupcake Pops. I was attempting them for a work baby shower, and it did not. Go well. Suffice to say I have (delicious) balls of cake and frosting in my fridge, and I doubt I'm going to have them covered in chocolate before 8 AM tomorrow. Heh. Balls. The bruschetta I made came out good, though. Ooh! There's a post for tomorrow.

Because Getting Soused on Campus Would be Awesome.

Day three into NaBloPoMo and I'm reduced to the Minimum Blog Requirement. Good thing I'm an unofficial NaBloPoMo'er so I don't feel so bad for my lack of motivation today.

Today over lunch hour, I went to a nearby mall with a couple co-workers for lunch (Five! Five dollar! Five dollar foot looonnnnggg!) and some window shopping. We stopped in Bath & Body Works so D. could use a gift card and while we were in the store I sniffed about five million different bath products. By the time we walked out I had a headache and smelled like a hooker on Christmas Eve. But I did buy a pretty-smelling new body spritz, so. Win/win.

I realized today I have no knowledge of wine. Well, I know the difference between Reisling, Chardonnay, and Merlot, but, uh. That's about it. I figured this out while browsing my local Wine and Spirits Shop (We don't have 'liquor stores' in PA, you see) looking for belated birthday gifts for coworkers. I don't know which wine is better than which. I don't know what's supposed to be sweet and what's supposed to be dry. I do, however, know that Wild Vines Raspberry Merlot is friggin' delicious. In the end, I purchased two nice moderately-priced bottles, and I'll keep my fingers crossed that I chose right. I heard that a local community college offers a non-credit wine appreciation course. I think I might have to sign up.